Ding! Ding! Round Two!!

In the red corner the Bulldog of Arizona, John ‘The Maverick’ Mac Mac McCaaaaain! Aaaaaand in the blue corner straight from the hard south-side of Chicago, the Homeboy of Hawaii, Baaarak Obamaaaaaaa!

The ref throws in the elephant in the room. How will these two brave fighters handle THE ECONOMY!

Obama bounds out. He jabs with a biblical response. It’s the final judgement on Bush policies, 700 billion is just first step, the four horsemen of the apocalypse are riding over the horizon, we’re all going to die! Except the execs at AIG who will probably just go back to the spa.

McCain looks tired… but then he always looks tired. He lumbers to his feet and puts in a good middle-class punch. He’s already using the words America and heart in the same sentence and reminding the audience that all the countries who “don’t like us” have all our oil in their ground. How dare they! Guess we’d better find some of our own. Damn.

So how about that bailout, will it work?

Mac is straight in with his super suspender! (In case you haven’t heard due to being sat in a corner, quietly crying as the remainder of your pension slips through your fingers like the sands of time, McCain suspended his campaign a couple of weeks ago for all of about 2 hours in order to save the country from economic meltdown. Good job!) After putting his underpants over his trousers he turns to that old favorite ‘ I complained first!!!’ bringing up his claim of sheer outrage, from 2 years ago, about Freddy and Fanny.

After an explanation of the situation during which there were points where Obama should have used PowerPoint, or at least the flowchart he drew in class this afternoon, he socks McCain with a catty ‘Let’s correct’ section. He too uses the ‘I did it first’ tactic. A letter indeed! Wow, that was productive! How about a meeting next? Then a second warning? You can see why the American public gets a little frustrated with the Senate, like, all the time!

McCain comes back with a hard swing of patriotism but the American worker defense has little power due to it’s associations with the fundamentals slip up. He can’t get away from it by just saying “I meant you!”. It’s missed its mark. He reaches for his lucky charm the elfin like Joe Lieberman, who is dangling from his keyring, hoping to spread some of his magic bipartisan dust over the proceedings.

They’re on to priorities. The Black Knight (but in a good way) uses his lance of common sense and actually puts them in order. Super Mac displays his powers by claiming he can do everything at once, health care reform, the economy, education, victory in Iraq, Afghanistan, heal the world and cure cancer. Why wait? With one stroke of my hand all evil will disappear! (This from a man whose VP candidate accused Obama of playing Jesus).

Health care and foreign policy pass with the usual moves: accusations of liberal votes, responsibility or right, did you vote for this or that?, Obama as foreign darling who wants to bring socialized (read commie) medicine and McCain as defender of the castle, more than willing to go into defend national interests without that pesky UN getting in the way.

The match ends yet again with no knock out, each sides definitive win among their supporters being forced on the public in thousands of living rooms around the country, ‘fair and balanced’ or in countdown form. Meanwhile the fighters return to the trail, preparing for the next round. And as Cindy and Michelle paint there big 3 signs the electorate sits back and wonders if it’s November yet.